Of Highways and Heartaches
by rarities
Summary: All Dean wants to do is forget the last thirty minutes, and all Cas wants to do is relive them. One-Shot.


**It's been so long since I posted something, I almost forgot how- almost. Here's something that popped into my head. I haven't been keeping up to date on Supernatural, because I decided to re-watch from the beginning. However, this is written with no specific timeline in mind. It could happen at any time. (I really wish it would already.)**

 **I don't own any of the characters!**

 **In which Dean and Cas are stuck on a highway at night, and Dean does something he regrets.**

* * *

"Dean-".

"Stop."

"But-"

"No."

"Just-"

"I don't wanna talk about it, Cas."

"Okay! Okay, just... come back into the car. It's quite cold out here."

They were standing, leaning against Baby as Dean had been doing for the past ten minutes. He was frowning, his shoulders slouched and his arms crossed. His back was completely turned away from the passenger seat of the car, where Cas had been sitting seconds ago.

"I'm fine," Dean gritted through his teeth.

"You'll catch your death out here."

At this, Dean scoffed. "Takes a lot more than some cold, Cas. And it's not like I haven't caught worse."

Cas made a noise. Half agreement, half annoyance.

Dean still wouldn't look at Cas. Cas shuffled in an attempt to move himself into Dean's line of sight, but Dean averted his eyes. In response to this, Cas rolled his own eyes and gave up, slumping against the car and mimicking Dean's stance. They stood in silence.

It had all started half an hour ago. The two of them had been driving down a road somewhere in the middle of Wisconsin when they hit something in the road- a nail or a rock maybe- and popped a tire. Dean, swearing, pulled over to the side of the road and got out of the car to inspect the situation. Cas stayed in the car, but could hear Dean's not-so-quiet curses through the car's closed doors. Dean moved around the car with an angry look on his face, yanked the door open, and sat back down as forcefully as he could. He slammed the door behind him.

"Flat tire," he reported to Cas, and pulled out his phone to call Sam. They were on their way to meet Sam at a job somewhere in Illinois. Sam had left earlier in a rental car from their previous motel to check out some supernatural events that had occurred in a town about three hours away, but since it was likely nothing, Dean and Cas hadn't joined him. As it turned out, there was a restless spirit that needed handling, so Sam called for backup. If it came to it, Sam could have probably dealt with the spirit on his own, but anyone could tell that it made the Winchester brothers anxious to hunt by themselves.

"Hey, Sammy," Dean said into the phone. "Cas and I got a flat. Gonna call for help now, but you know how long it takes to get some in places like this."

Cas could hear Sam distantly on the other end of the line, seemingly berating Dean.

"Well I'm sorry I didn't have enough room for a spare what with all the hunting equipment I'm packing. You're the one who told me we needed extra rock salt for this job, so I had to cut the tire. It's not like I was planning for a flat," Dean argued with his brother. Cas pressed his head against the cool window.

Cas sat in the passenger seat, silent. Just has he had been the whole ride. He could tell Dean didn't want him there, could tell that Dean was making his best effort not to look at Cas, and that Dean didn't want to make conversation. Since they had gotten in the car, a scowl had been etched on Dean's face. This scowl had now grown deeper.

Cas looked out into the night. The highway they were on was practically deserted, surrounded by trees on one side and a field on the other. It was a cold night, and the longer they were parked, the more frost formed on the window-shield.

Dean was still arguing with Sam. "Fine, Sam, whatever. See you sometime tomorrow." Cas still wasn't looking at Dean, but could hear him throw his phone down angrily. Then, grumbling, he picked it back up to call for service for the car.

When Dean was done with the call, he leaned on the wheel and put his head in his hands. Cas finally stole a glance in his direction. Dean looked frustrated. Annoyed. Stressed.

Cas felt that it was even more awkward with no radio to cut the silence, as Dean had turned off the car to preserve gas. Cas assumed he should start talking, but couldn't think of anything worthwhile to say.

The only noise was Dean's fingers drumming on the steering wheel. They sat in silence for eight more minutes and seven seconds. Cas knew this because he was counting. It's not like he had anything else to do. The car was becoming colder and colder, and Cas's teeth had begun to chatter. Still, he thought, it was better than being outside with the freezing wind.

It was Dean who broke the silence, which surprised Cas. He thought he would have to be the one to start talking. He had spent the last eight minutes and seven seconds trying to figure out what to say.

"Well this sucks, huh?"

"Yeah."

And it was silent again for three more minutes.

Cas was still trying to figure out something to say, but only one thing was on his mind. Why had Dean ignored him the whole car ride? Why had he barely even looked in Cas's direction for days? What had happened? What had Cas done that had made Dean act this way? Before he could stop himself, Cas asked.

"Why didn't you want me to come?" He turned his body towards Dean and looked at him.

Dean sat up straight and looked at Cas and quickly looked away in the other direction, prying his eyes away. Cas saw this and felt a pain in his chest that he didn't quite understand.

"What are you talking about, Cas?" Dean asked, his eyes still trained on his fiddling hands.

"I'm talking about how you've ignored me this whole time, and how mad you looked when Sam said it was a one-person thing, and that you and I should stay behind, together, just us. And then I saw your face when you got that phone call from Sam saying he needed us to come meet him, _both_ of us, in the car, together, for hours. And I see now how you can't even look at me. So I want to know why. Do you think I'm gonna mess up the job? Because I'll stay out of the way, and-"

"No." Dean said quietly. He repeated himself and looked up to meet Cas's eyes, _finally_. "It's not that."

"So what is it then?" Cas was angry now, mad at Dean for treating him so rudely and mad at himself for whatever he had done that had made Dean act so differently.

"It's...Cas, I don't want to talk about this." His eyes drifted away from Cas's looking out at the night. Dean couldn't even make eye contact? What the hell?

"No! We're talking about this, whatever this is. I want to know why you're treating me like this. Why you can't even look at me. What? What did I do?" Cas was angrier than he had been at Dean in a long time.

"Nothing! Nothing, Cas! God!" Dean, to Cas's surprise wasn't mad at the confrontation. It was more like he was... guilty. Cas's anger simmered down, but he wasn't giving up. He turned his body away from Dean and sat in his seat, but still turned his head towards the driver's seat. His eyes would be there whenever Dean would be able to meet them.

"Dean. Tell me what's going on."

Dean sighed. He put his head back and closed his eyes.

"Dean-"

"Okay! Okay, Cas, I'll tell you, Jesus! It's just... not what you're going to want to hear."

"An explanation is all I want."

"Okay." Now it was Dean's turn to turn in his seat and face Cas. His eyes were serious, but his face was unsure. His eyes focused on Cas's.

 _Finally_ , Cas thought, s _ome answers_.

Then Dean's eyes moved away.

"Come on! Dean! Just talk to me!"

"I-I can't!"

Cas was furious now. He could feel the anger seeping out of him like his grace would, overflowing. Obviously whatever it was Dean wasn't telling him was bad, something horrible he thought about Cas that was too rude to admit. That the reason he didn't want to be alone with Cas was that he thought Cas was annoying, or smelled, or that this whole time Dean had been pretending to like Cas and now he was done trying. Or maybe Dean had lost patience with Cas's inability to grasp basic social cues, or how Cas talked funny, or how-

Dean grabbed Cas by his trench coat, pulled him close, and kissed him.

Cas went still, relaxing immediately. He tried to kiss Dean back, but he was frozen. He couldn't move. He tried to place his hand on Dean's shoulder, _anything_ , but his body would not allow him. His brain was over flowing with thoughts and feelings. It was the same butterfly feeling Cas got in his stomach when Dean walked in the room, but now the feeling was multiplied by ten. Twenty, even.

It didn't last long enough, not _nearly_ long enough, but it seemed Dean was doubting himself. He pulled back, opening his beautiful green eyes at Cas. Dean looked so vulnerable, so unguarded, that it made Cas's heart ache. He wished so badly that he could've moved, could've shown Dean that it was okay. But nothing. He was immobile, and Dean was taking it the wrong way.

"I-I'm sorry. I...shouldn't have done that." He looked down, seeing his hands gripping Cas's clothes, and released. Like he was just now realizing what he had done. Cas wished he could grab Dean's jacket, pull him in and never let go. He tried. He really did. But nothing happened.

"I-I...I..." Dean stammered, still not knowing what to say. He searched Cas's face hopefully, maybe trying to find his words there. But Cas's face was as still as the rest of him, stony, and to Dean, possibly angry. Cas tried to locate his mouth, use his voice, tell Dean everything that had just happened Cas had been longing for for years. But Cas just could not move. Upon seeing Cas's frozen expression, Dean's face fell. Then Dean opened the door, got out of the car, and slammed the door behind him. He went to sit on the hood of the Impala.

Cas, as soon as Dean left, found his body to be movable again. He tested his fingers quickly, and they all worked. They were unfrozen, thawed out, and Dean was out there, freezing his ass off to get away from Cas.

He sat there for ten minutes, cursing himself, until he worked up the courage to get out of the car and join Dean.

And that's where they were now.

"I'm sorry," Cas said, cutting his eyes to Dean for a second before sending his gaze straight back to the ground. He kicked a pebble and watched it roll away. The he kicked another. He was on with fourth rock when Dean spoke.

"You're sorry?" Dean sounded surprised. "Sorry about what? It was all me. I shouldn't have done that. I'm the one who should be sorry."

Cas felt bad. Really bad. And angry at himself for his reaction. Dean had taken his lack of movement and silence as a rejection, when in fact it was Cas's emotions and nerves going so far into overdrive that all his functions shut down. It was his body telling him he had too much, but his heart and his head were fighting to react, to kiss back, to tell Dean how he felt.

"Don't be sorry."

More silence from Dean. This time he could feel Dean thinking. He could practically sense the gears turning.

Cas wished the two of them were better at saying how they felt.

Cas, again no longer in control of his own body, moved in front of Dean. He stood his ground, digging his heels into the dirt so he wouldn't sway or fidget. He wanted to look sure, or else Dean wouldn't believe his words. At the sudden movement, Dean looked up. This time, he didn't look away.

"Dean. I have wanted that to happen for... well, a long time. Felt like centuries. And I've been alive for a long time, so I know what those feel like. And I never thought that would happen. I tried to forget about it, and you. For all these years... I didn't ever think..." Cas trailed off. He couldn't think of anything else to say. He thought maybe he didn't have to. Dean had always been good at understanding him. "I didn't ever think... that you could feel the same way. Not in this vessel, anyway."

Dean looked at Cas in awe. "Cas..." he breathed his name, and Cas shuddered. "Of course I feel that way. I... when I look at you, I don't want to ever stop. It's not your vessel. It's you. Your actions, your words, how you treat people. How you look at me, and how I feel when you do. I've never felt this way about anyone before. Especially not an angel, come to think of it. But you really are. An angel. You're just so... perfect. And good," As he said his last few words, he stood up and away from the car and took a step towards Cas. They were only inches apart now. His voice was barely above a whisper. His eyes stayed glued to Cas's. "Cas... I really like you."

Cas kissed Dean. He crashed into him so hard they stumbled back against the car. They moved together perfectly, and Cas wanted to thank his body for not freezing up, wanted to thank every nerve and muscle and bone one by one. But if _this_ , kissing Dean, was going to become a new part of his life, he would be fine if he didn't have the time.

That last kiss in the car had been to prove a point. To shut up Cas's insecure thoughts. But this kiss was different. It was meaningful. It made everything else go away until it was just the two of them, together, leaning against the car on a cold night. This kiss could happen in front of a million people and Cas would still feel like he and Dean were the only people in the world. And this kiss was powerful. Cas could harness the power from this kiss and use it to kill a dozen demons. _Two_ dozen.

The kiss continued for a long time. But when Dean pulled away, Cas still didn't feel like it was enough. It felt like none of it would ever be enough, that Cas would need to get his fix of Dean forever, and he hoped with all he could that the supply would never run dry.

When Dean broke off the kiss, Cas was horrified he was about to say: "This is all a mistake. Sorry, Cas." Then Dean could run off into the night and Cas would be left, mortified and hurt.

But Dean just said: "It's freezing out here, damn. Let's get back in the car."

Cas laughed a little. "It really is." Dean smiled at him.

So they separated and got back in the car. When they were sitting, Cas looked over at Dean to see him smiling at him.

"What?" Cas said, a smiling growing on his face as well.

"Nothing," Dean responded, and leaned in to kiss Cas again.

"No, tell me," Cas said, playfully shoving Dean away.

"I dunno. Just happy I guess," The smile on Cas's face got bigger, if that was even possible.

"Yeah. So am I." And Cas leaned in to continue their kiss from outside, and though it was cold, and dark, and just half an hour ago they weren't even talking to each other, there was no place either of them would rather be.

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 **Thanks for reading! Sorry if they're a bit OOC. But I hope you enjoyed!**


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